Hello my loves,
As I sit down to share a piece of my heart with you, I'm reminded of the transformative power that lies in the quiet moments of self-reflection. Life's journey weaves through highs and lows and today, I invite you to join me on a more intimate journey—my journey of self *re-discovery.*
The path of self-discovery is a profound and ongoing expedition. It's about peeling back the layers, rediscovering forgotten dreams, and embracing the essence of who we truly are.
Just like a smell can transport you back in time, sounds and specific visuals can trigger many of my past memories to arise. The lease to my current apartment is coming to an end soon, and for the very first time I know I will be extending the lease. Although I was initially fighting it, San Francisco has officially become my home.
As this moment is quickly approaching I am reminded of all past 6 apartments I have lived in, and which apartment I was in that really catapulted me to fight for my self re-discovery.
After moving back from Florida, I finally got to live in Downtown Los Angeles, this had been a dream of mine since I can remember. Apartment number 3 gave me an exhilarating rush when I first toured it. It had two large pools, rooftop deck, a movie theater, big outdoor kitchen, a venue to host - in my eyes it had it all, in fact more than I needed. What could possibly go wrong?
If you’re new here, I was in a relationship with someone who was not meant for me and we were living there together. During the time we were living in this apartment I started working for Quest Nutrition, I went back to school to officially get my degree so I was working and going to school full-time but still tried to find time to make the best out of Downtown - unfortunately for me this meant there would be alcohol involved. My partner then, was an alcoholic and though my life may have seemed nice and dandy on the outside, there was actually nights where I would roam the streets at 2am to avoid being in close proximity of yelling and emotional abuse.
I remember the night of New Year’s Eve 2019 well because it was traumatic for me. The club was going up for sure that night, but not for me. Whenever there was alcohol involved I just knew it wouldn’t end well for me and I just remember thinking “What a shitty way to start my 2020.”
After months of arguments, trying to find solutions and walking the streets crying at ridiculous times of the night I finally decided to start booking tours for my own apartment. It took so many years of abuse, cheating and mental breakdowns to get me to that point. For such a long time I had the fear that I was throwing a relationship I couldn’t fix out the door - as if it were a bad thing. I blamed myself for all his faults and tried to take responsibility for issues that were never mine to begin with. I had prayed to La Virgencita de Guadalupe so many days with tears in my eyes to please guide me and help me. The moment I found the courage to finally walk away, I let him know I was leaving for good. I had already put my down payment out with most of what I had in my savings. If I’m being honest, if I had the money sooner, I would’ve probably left months before. I got my very own place in August 2020. It had been my 4th apartment but the very 1st to myself - I was in the clouds.
222 has been my angel number for the longest and I later realized that, that would be my building apartment number. It all felt like it was meant to be and served as the most perfect reminder that I was in the right place at the right time. I didn’t look back and have been on my journey to self re-discovery since.
I met my fiancé January 2021 and as I talk to him about these stories and experiences, I tell him specific dates to compare what he was also doing around that time in his life. The night of NYE 2019 which I thought was such a shit day was actually the day my future husband was on his flight to America for the first time. He tells me without knowing it, he was on his way to me.
As I look back at all the emotional pain I endured, I can’t help but thank my lucky stars that they had a plan for me all along and it was just a part of my journey.
Mama Nurture was born from a deep well of personal experiences and I will continue to talk about them as a hope that they serve as reminders that you are not alone.
So, here's to the beauty of renewal and self-discovery. May you find the courage to embrace your journey, unapologetically celebrate your lessons, and nurture the beautiful soul within.
As always, love and light,
Mama Nurture